I learned Spanish in two years. Here’s what it taught me about growth.
Growth is changing, moving, learning, maturing.
First, I’m going to dive into the WHY and the HOW of my Spanish learning journey. Afterwards, I’ll sum up what I’ve learned about growth and self-transformation in general as a result of this — legitimately — intense thing that I’ve done.
The Backstory
In two years, I’ve achieved what I like to call “functional fluency”in Spanish. I’m working as a translator, making subtitles for YouTubers with a native Spanish speaking friend, and a few weeks ago, I translated a Spanish psychologist’s article about cognitive biases, and how they’ve led to dangerous thinking about Coronavirus.
Before I began learning, I had two years of high school Spanish classes under my belt, and — only somewhat related — a few years of French.
My missionary parents provided me with opportunities travel internationally, and whenever I had the opportunity, I took it. I dreamed of visiting France or Lebanon or, really, any place, and being able to speak to them in their own language.
I soaked up words when I traveled, but I didn’t say much. Because, what really kept me from learning another language, despite my affinity for it, was…
Social anxiety.
If you’ve ever needed to say something in another language, or have ever learned another language, you know how terrifying and embarrassing it can be to try to speak it with a native speaker. It’s super, super normal to feel this way.
For someone deathly afraid of speaking to other people in general, I wasn’t about to start putting myself in the position to sound like a true idiot, speaking a language I barely understood.
What Changed
I began learning Spanish on a whim. At the time, I spent an average of two hours a day driving my kids back and forth from school, so I purchased some Spanish audio courses with leftover Audible credits.
About the same time, my anxiety strengthened from being annoying to downright debilitating. I started having panic attacks, and for some reason, they liked to show up while I was alone, driving.
I learned some coping strategies, ways to keep my mind occupied and away from the thoughts that triggered panic.
My Spanish lessons became a great method of panic prevention. They required every part of my brain that wasn’t focused on driving. There was no space left for anything else.
(Note: I don’t recommend doing mentally-taxing things while driving!)
Essentially, I became addicted to Spanish. On the one hand, it reminded me how much I love languages, and on the other, it kept my mind still and happy.
The Process
You might be wondering, how the heck can someone become that good at a language that quickly as an adult without living in a foreign country?
Others might have a different answer, but my answer is: by being obsessed with that language.
For two years, I learned and consumed Spanish like it was my full time job (for the record, I didn’t have a full time job). I listened to Spanish learning podcasts and courses while I did chores around the house, while I was driving, and I watched Spanish language television with English — then Spanish — subtitles. I had no tolerance for not understanding a concept; I studied until I did.
As soon as I had basic concepts down, I found native Spanish speakers to exchange languages with. I forced myself to speak to them, even while my hands shook.
My first conversation partner was a woman with an equally hard time speaking English as I did Spanish. Because we were both so timid with our speaking, we were able to help each other gain the confidence we needed.
Even after I got my panic attacks under control (i.e. got on an SRI and received counseling), I held onto Spanish learning. I drove my husband crazy, filling the house with Spanish music, struggling to think or talk about ANYTHING except Spanish.
The Lesson
Maybe by this point, you’re shaking your head, thinking “That chick is LOCA.’’
I’ve often wondered the same thing. How, after so many months of constant learning, did I not get tired of it? I mean, sometimes I did. But I always, ALWAYS came back.
I think it’s because it wasn’t just about the Spanish.
My Spanish has grown with me.
I began in a dark place, and I had lots of dark moments towards the beginning of my Spanish-learning journey. At my lowest point, I was having multiple panic attacks a day.
I lost my ability to function. The attacks left me weak and exhausted, laying in bed, unable to eat. I lost a lot of weight.
I couldn’t study Spanish then.
But, as I’ve grown in Spanish, I’ve grown in myself. And here’s what I’ve learned through this crazy, incredible, priceless journey:
1. Don’t place barriers on yourself.
For years, I said “I love languages, but I can’t learn one because I get too nervous.” But, that was bullshit. Being nervous, or being scared, isn’t a reason not to do something. If you don’t WANT to do something, don’t do it. If it’s just fear, then in my limited experience, that’s a good sign you SHOULD do it.
Along the same lines, don’t box in your interests. You weren’t born with a limited number of things that could spark your curiosity. Language wasn’t a new interest for me, but I’ve discovered new interests along the way.
I like to translate. I love me some Shakira.
2. Prioritize enjoying the process.
It’s much easier said than done, but learning Spanish taught me to enjoy every step. If I’d just sat down with a textbook, I probably wouldn’t have ever achieved fluency.
Instead, I used it as a way to find peace in the torrent. I discovered new music and television shows. For the first time, I read books that were originally written in another language, without needing a translation. I discovered new cultures. Spanish has given me another world.
3. All things are difficult before they’re easy.
This is something we don’t always notice in life, but with something like Spanish, it’s obvious.
At the beginning, I struggled with irregular present tense verbs. Then, a few weeks later, the same verbs flowed naturally off my tongue.
There’s one moment that I’ll always remember. I pulled out a Spanish short story for beginners that I’d set aside and forgotten because at the time, I couldn’t make heads or tails of it. But, this time? Complete comprehension.
It’s the same with all parts of life. You find it hard to speak your mind? Keep trying. Keep failing. Keep trying to get better. One day, it’ll be so much easier.
4. Growth never stops.
There’s no end point. I’m convinced end points don’t exist.
I may be “functionally” fluent in Spanish, but I still have soooo much to learn. Heck, I’m still learning English (and I studied and taught literature!).
I’ve tried to stop thinking about ends, and think about goals instead.
I want to be able to forget which language I’m speaking. But, even when that happens, I’ll still have more to learn.
BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF. Making any sort of change — whether it’s overcoming something like anxiety, or adjusting to a new a place, or recovering from heartbreak — requires diligence, perseverance, and insistence.
But if you keep going, keep trying, learn to appreciate the small bits of progress, and keep practicing, even after failing miserably….you can f*cking DO IT.
